The 24 Hours of LeMans: the most prestigious auto racing event of all time, the home of racing greatness.
The 24 Hours of LeMons: the most ridiculous auto racing event of all time, the home of jalopies.
Team VIP, the Very Important Peasants, are contenders in the latter. Their jalopy is a 25 year old BMW brought back to life with hammers, black tape, and cursing. Team VIP is Ian Wood, Manhattan Perry, Clay Bush, Antonia von Salm, Mike Ohsann, Josh Marcuson, plus other peasants soon to be duped!
29 June 2009, VIP Skunkworks
Once the champagne bottles have run empty, the podium vacated, the press cameras turned off and the leggy pit girls long since vanished, the real work of a LeMons team begins. This is where the glamor and prestige is replaced with wrenches and sweat. One does not exist without the other.
And so it goes for the Very Important Peasants. Their battle hardened 3 race veteran car is showing signs of age. The next race will be one of the most challenging for both man and machine. 100F desert heat will test the limits of reliability for two long grueling days. Serious labor will be required to keep their pedigree race car in top LeMons condition. Down in the depths of the Shark Pit, compression is checked, valves are adjusted, fluids are drained, bolts re-torqued, and surfaces machined. The Team VIP skunkworks is in a frenzy of activity in preparing for victory.
13 June 2009, Dryver Edookayshun
The sharks took to the Buttonwillow open test day this weekend as they threatened they would. Hopefully, it is the same configuration for the August race. People at the track loved the shark in the paddock but somehow the esspensive race cars seemed to vacate the track whenever we took to it! Here's some lovely de-shaken video from the track in the turbo shark.
The video camera, other than shaking wildly enough to make serious post corrections necessary, made it sound like we were dragging a garbage skip behind the car. It wasn't so pronounced in person, but it did make some odd noises quite possibly related to the battered suspension that is in need of some serious repair. So when we felt the suspension was just too beaten on to continue without some revaluation investment budget from Jay, we jumped into the family Allroad 4.2 and tooled on the V8 and air-ride suspension mercilessly. Here's some footage of us flinging 5,000lbs of car around the track.
Quite a different experience from the shark. Again, the video makes it sound like there was a popcorn maker connected to an accessory belt on the engine. Sadly, no popcorn was ever found.
30 May 2009, Crashed and Burned
The sharks, as we are now most commonly known, bit off more than they could chew this time around. A late departure from LA combined with a scenic tour of the central Californian mountains put us at the Reno Fernley track at about 1pm (6 hours later than planned). The paddock was already full and we ended up in a dark corner far away from LeMons HQ. We thought the turbo shark was ready for the remaining half day of practice but after we were black flagged for spewing oil all over the place, we collectively scratched our heads wondering what we missed. Several red herrings later, Mike made the discovery that the turbo was in fact boosting the crank case pushing oil out of every possible crevice on the 25 year old engine block.
Long story short, only Clay and Mike managed to get time on the track on Friday. The rest of us would have to discover its 3 dimensional wonders and blind corners while fending off the barbarian horde. Saturday started out perfectly. After two hours, we were 4 laps off the leader and I was suiting up to go out. Just as I was about to radio Clay and tell him his lap times were exceptional and that he could back off to a comfortable pace, he radioed in that he'd been hit. Then the red flags came out and the entire track came to a halt. Rumors that the shark was upside down with its guts spewed all over the track were pouring in thick and fast. Fortunately, it wasn't THAT bad but bad it still was. The bull bar re-inforced DILLIGAF CRX, having gone completely sideways in the back straight, broadsided the shark as Clay tried to aggressively power through the mess. The result was less than pretty. Retrospectively, Clay realized that it might have been better to back off when faced with a windshield full of sideways cars rather than try to squeeze through it.
As the shark was towed in, right front wheel dragging on the ground, our hopes of a good result were dashed and many thought we were out for the rest of the weekend. We surveyed the damage and quickly agreed the plan of action. Off to the pick and pull we went for a new front sub frame, right wheel strut and related acutrement. Just as the checkered flag waved on Saturday's racing, the shark was back on all fours and ready to fight again albeit with some rather enormous dents. Chief LeMons perpetrator, Jay and his tech crew inspected the car and begrudgingly agreed to let the aggro sharks race again on Sunday. However, Clay was given a red card and was ejected from the rest of the weekend's racing for his role in the "all at fault" red flag incident. Jay was less than amused by our all too fast car and all too reckless getaway driving. We got a stern talking to yet again. We took shelter in our trailers, licked our wounds and drank the night away.
Sunday, the shark ran 100% of the race and was black flag free. Mike, Antonia, Manhattan and I put down clean laps until the checkered flag dropped at 3.30pm. Our morale was further boosted by the many compliments from fellow teams who were genuinely surprised to see the shark swimming on the track after Saturday's eventful crash. The mood was mixed at the awards ceremony having placed in the bottom quarter of the 102 car pack but valuable lessons were learned and the team will be back in Buttonwillow and Thunderhill with a new attitude towards ENDURANCE racing.
19 May 2009, The Shark Gets A Taste For Blood
With less than a week to go, the turbo shark is ready to hunt. For the past four nights, I have been arriving home after midnight looking dirtier than a coal miner. So dirty that it takes me 30 minutes in the shower with a brillo pad to get most of the dirt off. The turbo, now completely operational, is louder than the exhaust at full boost. The blow off valve sounds like a steam train slowing to a stop. At 2,000 RPM, the turbo is fully spooled up allowing the shark to lunge forward ferociously. We ran the car twice in the neighborhood both times drawing confusion and fear amongst innocent bystanders as they took cover from the bizarre sight and sound of the approaching turbo shark.
Yesterday, while Clay and I worked out issues in the cooling system, the shark attacked. In a moment of crossed synapses, Clay put his hand too close to the shark's mouth (the radiator fan) and the shark bit him. Four hours and thirteen stitches later, Clay returned to the scene of the crime sporting two tusk like bandaged digits on his right hand. And the work carried on...
We still have odds and ends to take care of, but the shark is itching to feed. Keep an eye out for her as she arrives to her new hunting ground in Reno next weekend.
5 May 2009, Reno 911
In true peasant style, nothing has been done that can't be done much much later. The ambitious turbo upgrade is... well... still ambitious. Much of the team continue to neglect the outstanding work in hopes that another teammate will suddenly freak out and do it all in a fit of 24 hour madness. It's like a game of chicken. How close can you get to the race without being ready? Read about the detailed build update here and the detailed banned technology here.
23 March 2009, Banned Technology Run Amok
The coveted banned technology award is in our crosshairs. But maybe, just maybe I got a little carried away. At first, I thought about a paintball gun trained on tailgating cars that fires when they get too close. After I realized that might seriously piss off a bunch of unsuspecting pedestrians as we drive through the pits, I thought twice of it. I settled on some slightly less menacing toy sharks set up on the trunk lid to turn and face the enemy eyes glowing with LEDs when they get too close. Not quite as punchy as automtatic weapons but hopefully entertaining all the same. That's where it started.
Then I wanted to add a wing. I figured I could take the low tech bowling ball idea used by the Faster Farms Plymouth at Thunderhill and add some high tech to it. After all, I am technology person; how hard could it be? Measure the g forces and braking inputs and move the wing accordingly. So I set that up too.
After a couple of runs around Hollywood, I noticed how interesting all this braking and g force data was. Could be kind of interesting to graph it on a chart. Why not send it to a server so I can look at it from a website? And there began the slippery slope. Many a night up passed 3am writing software code and assembling what many have thought looks like a home made bomb. In the end, I've built an entire real-time telemetry system for our cuddly little shark car. Read here for the full account on this out-of-control sub-project: http://www.ianwood.com/news/story.asp?sid=36.
1 March 2009, Land Shark Mark Duh
Relax, it's just a Photoshop drawing and not much more. But now that I've figured out you need a specific aluminum filler wire to MIG weld aluminum alloy, it's only a matter of time before this becomes a reality. Not shown is the turbo freak show that will protrude from the hood as I currently have no idea how freakish it is going to look yet. Don't you just love the wind flow lines I've added! My amateur fluid dynamics modeling tells me this is exactly how it will work. Yup. Figure it adds +30hp in looks alone. Bwaah!
11 February 2009, VIP Stimulus Package
Undeterred by two-wheeled adventures and 50MPH encounters with stationary objects, Team VIP has bold plans to raise the stakes in 2009. We have earmarked no less than three races this year: Reno, Buttonwillow, and Thunderhill. We'd love to put Texas on the calendar again this year but it didn't seem wise to repeat the experience of 5 caged animals slowly going delirious from lack of sleep speeding through Western Texas in an RV at speeds well in excess of safe.
The shark is getting some new faster fins. Inspired by the FrankenMiata, we are going to do our best to break our little eta engine with forced induction goodness. Much like the FrankenMiata we have found it a real cost saver to reverse the headers through the hood of the car and work out some seriously dodgy turbo plumbing to and fro. Thankfully our headers are on the passenger side of the car so we might still be able to see what’s in front of us. All in all, this means we will be able to go four off much faster than we have in the past.
To control all that turbo fury, there is another ambitious and doomed to fail plan in the works. A ground effect package that I am going to weld together using stray kittens and rope. Our new found spring cutting expertise will drop the car dangerously low to maximize the potential for busting the oil pan. A front shark mouth shaped air dam with razor sharp teeth and underbelly panels will add at least 20HP. Two aluminum tail fins will take the place of the current one and a dynamically actuated spoiler will join the two to make sure we get downforce only when its not needed.
So don’t be fooled by the stuffed animals. This shark will hopefully mean business. It might also mean an hour or two in the pits ripping off failed ground effect panels once we take our first hit.
17 December 2008, Slightly Less Unprepared
It looks like we might have learned our lesson from the last minute mayhem the preceded our Texas saga, and thus preparations for the 100 car pile up at Thunderhill are well underway. Chief Perp, Jay Lamm has granted us $125 of new budget to transform our jalopy into a marginally better jalopy. We decided to address the front end suspension which was softer than over-boiled cabbage. So the search began for Lemons-grade modifications. The recipe called for a set of heavily abused used Bilstein HD shocks for $60 and a pair of BMW 750iL springs for $34 which happen to be totally incompatible with our car. We threw in a pinch of 12 ton press and heated the springs thoroughly with a Mapp gas torch until they glowed cherry red. Then they were bent and shaped to taste. Once installed, we noticed a lot a wee bit of rubbing between spring and perch and a slight chasm gap between spring and boot. Note to self: research health effects of spring failure on the track.
Following our weekend of guesswork expert upgrades, we hauled the car two hours to Buttonwill Raceway for an Open Track day to see if how the new suspension holds together. Well, I am happy to say everyone is still alive. And, in fact the new suspension actually works! Quelle surprise! The nose of the car doesn't bury at all. The front now rides high despite cutting the 750iL springs almost 2 inches. Whatever we did, it works and the car now corners with significantly less body roll. Buttonwillow is exceedingly fast with straights that let our jalopy achieve warp factor 9, about 100MPH in human terms. The straights are usually followed by a simultaneous braking, gear grinding, and praying the springs are still there manouver into the next turn.
The car has been given a fresh coat of paint to cover up the wounds inflicted by our other drivers in Houston. Clay -- tired of people confusing our car for a hybrid electric vehicle at the last race -- has insisted on breaking all noise abatement and emissions laws with a cherry bomb exhaust. Also, in the works is an all too complicated home-brewed telemetry system. Yes, I said telemetry... we take this sh*t seriously, man! If it works (which it won't) it will capture GPS coordinates, acceleration forces, etc and post them in real-time to a web site where they can be thoroughly misunderstood. Again this is assuming it all works (which it won't) as I really have no idea what I am doing. Nothing new.
10 November 2008, What? Still No Race Update???
Yeah, so the race was over three weeks ago! So what? I'm too friggin' lazy busy to write it up. You ever tried to edit 13 hours of video when you have no idea what you're doing? Didn't think so! Read some of the old crap which you haven't bothered to look at yet. In the meantime, muse over this picture:
9 October 2008, Holy Crap! The Race Is In A Week!
Well, let's just say Team VIP is very good at putting things off to the last minute. After a 200% price increase from our intended roll cage supplier, an assortment of incompatible differential covers, a rough running engine, and a total lack of focus by the team, we needed a miracle to get us to Texas with a race-ready car. Doubt and bad luck were spreading virally. Clay's dog passed away. Manhattan busted up his teeth after an all too fast exit from the roof of a moving Scion (don't ask). Antonia fell in love with Ralph Nader. And all my friends decided to have personal issues at unprecedented levels and needed my help (again, don't ask). To make matters even worse, my beloved Audi S4 was T-boned by an absent minded driver leaving me with a bicycle and the number for a taxi service to get around LA.
With little time left, the team finally awoke to the fact that we had paid a rather large non-refundable payment to Mr Jay Lamm in order to partake in the Texas race. Maybe it was because I repeated this fact over and over and that there was no pulling out. We were going. Even if we had to push the car to Texas on foot.
Desperate times called for desperate measures. We had no roll cage one week to the event. Everyone I called about providing us one in 7 days or less laughed hysterically and hung up. Mike spotted one for a Mitsubishi Evo on Craiglist and said it would be our only chance at getting one in time. Keep in mind that roll cages are complicated 3 dimensional puzzles designed for specific cars. It's like running Mac software on your PC. It generally is a bad idea. A Mitsubishi Evo 8 is not a BMW 528e. This was a long shot at best. Despite the odds, I took 1,001 measurements and went off to see if it would possibly fit. Well, my crude and geometrically challenged measurements didn't rule the Evo cage out so I decided to take the risk and buy it for $400. Once we got it back to the car, we were utterly and totally shocked when we found it actually fit in the BMW give or take a few inches. Thankfully, it was more give than take.
Roll cage in hand, we needed expert welding capability to glue and modify it to fit the BMW. This is where Clay's friend Richie came to the rescue. At short notice, we convinced Richie to spend the better part of a weekend welding the crap out of this cage to make it fit into a car that it was not intended for. Richie delivered.
With the cage out of the way, other small issues like lack of racing uniforms, lack of trasportation came to the front. Well, let's just say we were excited to learn we could ship stuff to the track. The RV and trailer were proving to be outrageously expensive even before factoring in the fuel cost for hauling 22,000 pounds over 3,000 miles in one week. We continued our trend of waiting to the last minute by booking both RV and trailer on the same day that we were to leave.
Antonia, now practically engaged to Ralph Nader, was still figuring out where and how to meet up with us from New York. Our route would take us at least 24 hours and 1,500 miles from LA to Houston passing through Pheonix, Tucson, El Paso, and the great wasteland of Western Texas. After much back and forth, we agreed to collect her in El Paso on Thursday afternoon.
We began the assembly of our caravan on Wednesday evening. The trailer was joined to the RV in the RiteAid parking lot near Mike's house. The shark was then loaded onto the trailer. With everything ready to go, Clay became desperate to prove his driving cabability. As he drove off to park his truck at Mike's, he decided unwisely to do some burn outs in the parking lot. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to us, a very attentive copper took notice of Clay's antics. A police car screached past us in pursuit of Clay's truck. We thought he was done for. After a quick call informing him he was an idiot and should park and turn off his lights pronto, we soon realized that our fortunes were turning. The copper never did materialize. We set off for Texas at 1am.
1 September 2008, Now Only Slightly Broken
It's been a little while. We've been too busy finding our way out of self-inflicted trouble to post an update. With most all the cosmetic (non-engine breaking) work out of the way, attention has turned to the mess under the hood. Crispy wires, taped up hoses and god only knows what else was waiting for us under there. So we pulled everything apart making sure not to note where anything went or what connected to what. And then with all the precious internal bits open to the air, we decided it would be a good idea at that point to pressure wash the engine. Such was our surprise when we discovered standing water at the top of the valves and in the cylinders. I improvised an ingenious water remover thingy out of a water bottle, some vinyl tubing and a vacuum cleaner.
But it didn't stop there. With my many (zero) years of mechanical experience, I decided to take on changing the timing belt alone and threw in a new water pump to boot. My trusty Bentley manual got me through the task. Clay and I popped the valve cover off and did things good (and maybe bad) to the valve clearances. We cleaned the intake manifold with a toxic soup not dissimilar to hexavalent chromium.
I patched up and rewired much of the crispy cracked engine harness. Coincidentally, Mike was working on the harness in his M3 and fortunately for us (not so much for him), he managed to break it. One new M3 harness later, we now had the broken one to salvage all sorts of wiring goodies from to complete our "Frankenharness". I made sure that during this process, wires that once easily reached their intended point of connection, were nice and taught and didn't reach at all.
Some new fuel lines and a fuel filter completed the picture. And then came time to put it all back together again and try to turn it on. Well, who says older cars are simple. I miswired the starter and in the process managed to trick Mike (and myself) into thinking it had magically broken while sitting unused in a dismantled engine bay. Once fixed, we discovered other little anamolies in my new wiring that made the engine management system a little bit hesitant to bring the engine back to life. Several hair pulling hours later, it cranked back to life. Some idle and cooling gremlins remain but the engine runs... almost as well as when we started working on it! Makes it all worthwhile!
12 August 2008, The Difference in Differentials
I hate eBay but I continue to use it like an idiot. I bought what I thought was a lovely used 3.91 LSD differential to take the place of our 3.25 LSD. It'll give us a little more umph off the line. The original one will hopefully sell for the same if not more and so it would be a free upgrade... Or so I thought! I was thrilled when the stinky oily one ton box arrived by FedEx. I spent one of the dirtiest afternoons of my several years pulling the existing differential from the car. It was only when I got the two side by side that I noticed something wasn't quite right. As it turned out, the genius eBay seller sent me the wrong one. When I emailed him about this, it became abundantly clear that Mr. "CATuned", eBay's ultimate time waster, didn't even know the difference.
We quickly got into a long diatribe of email insults and phone calls full of empty threats. He squirmed this way and that but wouldn't refund me, so I took his ass to the PayPal supreme court and hung him out to dry. One month later, I got my money back and he got some rather nasty feedback, a useless differential and too much of my time. Take that! So we still need a 3.91 LSD differential.
Just in time for Shark Week, the Land Shark is alive and ready to scare the daylights out of your kids! Well, not really! The kids will have to come to the car to get their daylights scared out of them. The car is effectively immobilzed. It has the best car alarm money doesn't buy, an engine in pieces.
9 July 2008, We Haven't Broken It Yet
The Land Shark still runs much to our surprise as we continue to monkey with it. Better still, it no longer looks like it's been abandoned either. Instead, it looks like a lunatic got a hold of it and has started to convert it into a cheap racing car cum shark-like thingy... Wait! Hmmm. Anyway.
The Sparco seats are finally in place allowing us to actually sit in the car leaving the blue milk crate with one less responsibility. A big fat six point harness is draped over the driver's seat giving the car an air of racing professionalism well in excess of what it really deserves. Passenger warning: in true Deathproof spirit, the passenger seat still has no harness or restraint system of any kind.
Shockingly, the new ignition system works as expected except when I push the start button with the car already running. The duct taped air and cooling hoses have been replaced with tapeless counterparts. The shifter now actually shifts and the exhaust pollutes a bit more freely now that its no longer being choked by a catalytic converter. A set of not yet annoyingly bright enough brake lights have been afixed to the rear of the car to ward of tailgaters.
Fresh coats of black BBQ grill paint have been applied to the interior to cover up the nasty dried up glues and other detritus that are perma-stuck to the chassis of the car. The outside has been sanded down and coated with a layer of primer and is in the process of being painted with the same black BBQ grill paint. I am now in need of someone with some artistic talent who can paint the shark body onto the sides of the car. If I end up doing it, it will look like something a 3 year old did in the backseat of an SUV while hitting every pothole on Sunset Blvd.
Other than the paint, the most notable changes are the two fins that are now fixed to the roof and boot of the car. A two foot tall dorsal fin made of plywood and metal binding straps sits on the roof while a similar two foot tall tail fin is attached to the boot. So it's starting to look like a shark but really it still looks rather odd especially when filling up at the Chevron station down the road.
We road tested the car recently. It's a bit more responsive now that we've patched up some of the leaks. Plus it's not dragging around useless items like windows and seats. The old tires and open differential make the back end chirpy and prone to sliding out. We'll need to lock up the differential and add some real tires on 17" wheels. I've also been toying with the idea of converting the tail fin into a home made spoiler. Also, it would help if we replaced the control and thrust arm bushings all of which are cracked or busted. Fortunately, the steering is tight and true.
Plenty more to come. Clay and Mike want to take the head apart, clean the injectors, and adjust the valve clearances. We also need to get intimate with the timing belt, oil, water and fuel pumps to make sure everything is up to scratch. The giant sunroof tray is also going to have to go and will hopefully remove as much weight as the yet to be found roll cage will add.
15 June 2008, Getting On With It
We're making progress. The car has been on a massive diet. The interior is now totally bare and much of the grime is thankfully gone. Half the wiring has been pulled out. The air conditioning and heating systems have been removed. All the insulation has been pulled out. Short circuits and bad relays are gone although the instrumet cluster continues to have intermittent issues with demonic possession. Added is a keyless push start ignition. The shifter linkage is being worked on. The catalytic converter has been gutted.
I managed to sell some of the glass and the window motors for a cool $90. This means that our car nets in at $210 leaving us with a staggering $290 in performance enhancements to consider! That aside, the real cost is in the safety equipment. I purchased $1,400 of racing seats this week. I couldn't fit my big ole butt in any of the cheaper seats and I don't want to be numb in the drawers during a two hour stint on the track! The second seat is to make sure our drivers get racing instruction beyond what is provided by Super Mario Kart. This week, I will order an $800 roll cage given I can find one that fits the BMW E28 chassis.
We now have a theme for the car. The Land Shark. Two great white sharks will be painted along the sides of the car, a large mouth full of teeth on the front, a large dorsal fin on the roof and a tail fin on the boot. This will be to help bring awareness to the plight of sharks and their dwindling populations, a cause very close to Antonia's heart. If all goes well, we will aim to raise money to help stabilize shark populations through pledges from friends and supporters.
The list of accomplishments is nothing compared to what still needs to be done. That said, we're thinking the LeMons Texas race in October may be a serious possibility. We'll be heading to the track in a couple of weeks to see how the car performs and to gets some instruction for our growing list of candidate drivers. On this week's recruitment roster, we've added Alanna Sampierto, Aurore Barry and Matt Blackman as possible drivers.
The graffiti laden 528e has been sitting outside Manhattan's house for two weeks now. It looks completely derelict and abandoned. I am sure his neighbors are thrilled. Fortunately for them, everyone has agreed to get the team together and get to work on it this weekend.
During the past week, we recruited Mike Ohsann to the team. Mike is a self-admitted car project junkie. He has no less than 4 other project cars in various states at his house including a BMW M3 in the middle of an open-heart forced induction upgrade. We agree to move the lemon to his forecourt where we will have more space and access to all sorts of tools and gear. A couple of nearby lemon trees offer up their fruit to honor the car.
A couple of days earlier, I spent a fair amount of time stripping the remnants of the dash and doors clean. Window motors, lock drivers, door panels, window glass, seats, etc are now up for sale on Craigslist. We still have $200 to spend but if we can make it $300 or more, that would be even better. That said, the car runs very well and we all agree that we shouldn't monkey with it too much.
In the weeks to come, we will pull out all the unnecessary components, fix up the leaks in the vacuum system, and sort out the wonky right front wheel. Then it's off to the track to see how it performs under pressure. We'll figure out from there where to put the $200.
22 May 2008, Give Us Your Worst
This went out on the wires to a number of unfortunate people over the past few days:
It's early morning and Clay doesn't want to be awake quite just yet. Fortunately, I had an early night. I convince him that I've found the car but we have to move on it immediately. I lost a 635CSI the day before because someone else had pounced on it before I even got a call back. Clay reluctantly agrees.
Compression tools in hand, we head out to Long Beach to meet with Derek who only just last night posted his 1983 BMW 528e on Craigslist. He's very keen to sell. We've been talking on the phone a number of times already this morning. He says it was running fine before but now it won't start and he's not sure why. He is now willing to part with it for $300 as long as we can get it done this afternoon running or not. Derek is leaving town and needs the cash. So far, so good. Just before we get there, they get it running again. The price stays at $300.
Derek and his friend, shirtless and tattooed, stand in front of an old BMW in a Long Beach gas station. We say hello and then quickly redirect our attention to the car. After a thoroughly incomplete inspection, we agree the car is in good shape. Most importantly, it passes the compression test. I check out the paperwork. The car was towed some time ago and the owner never collected it. The impound lot took ownership of the vehicle and sold it for $350 only a month earlier. Now I am buying it for $300.
Money exchanged and scribbly wrinkled document signed, we say goodbye to Derek and his friend. With the car now running, we thankfully no longer need to deal with towing it. Clay hops into the BMW while I follow in his ridiculously huge truck.
After about 5 or 6 blocks, the BMW stalls. Clay gets out and starts yanking at wires under the hood. I am nonplussed. After a few minutes of adjusting tired clumps of duct tape in various points on the engine, it starts up again. Clays babies it towards the highway. I am worried it will conk out again in a middle lane somewhere in South LA. Fortunately, it doesn't. In fact, Clay begins to open it up and the BMW responds nicely. He gets it up to 80. Back on the local roads, he pulls some S turns while ripping the headliner apart.
We deposit the car at Manhattan's place and then without much delay begin to desecrate it. Clay tags the VIP name on it in white spray paint. Manhattan and I start ripping out the interior. 30 minutes later, we're all covered in 25 years of grime and decide to call it a day.
A group of people are at a music festival. They haven't slept for three days. They have also partaken in various forms of intoxicants. The combined effect produced an unprecedented delerium. Somewhere in the hazy conversation, someone mentioned the idea of racing junk cars. The functioning synapses then interacted with other less functional synapses and the result set us off down a perilous path...